I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
