I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
