No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
