sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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