Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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