people are starting to question the shark bite story
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
