Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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