my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
