Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
