Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
