My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
ok first of all what the fuck
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
