Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
either way he was missing a nipple.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
