Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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