Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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