Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
