my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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