i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
