Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
