I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
