he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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