i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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