this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
