okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
