just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
