So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
