seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
BRING THE BAGELS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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