cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
