I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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