I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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