Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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