plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
