worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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