Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
