Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
