i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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