He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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