My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
