She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
