textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
