D3 body, D1 cock
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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