I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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