i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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