Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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