Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
