So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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