ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
