Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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