No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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