Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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