walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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