Acid is not a monday night drug
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
