I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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