Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
