Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Non-Jews are for practice
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
