She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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