He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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